A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.
About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”
He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
A couple days later he got a response from his mother:
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
fuck the police if you know what i mean
okay so i don’t usually add stories to reblogs but i HAVE TO in this case
a couple years ago i was on a roadtrip with my family. i had to pee really bad so we pulled into a subway parking lot and i ran in, also to get cookies for us so i wouldn’t just be rudely using the bathroom and ditching. when i came out of the bathroom these three really hot police officers were sitting near the beginning of the line and another one was in the line in front of me. i am pretty easily intimidated by attractive people, so i just quietly stood in line behind him. once i was done i went to grab a couple of napkins and i didn’t want to pipe up that one of them was in my way so i awkwardly coughed to catch his attention. one of the guys sitting down kind of snickered at me and was like “he doesn’t bite you know” and the guy in the way TURNED AROUND AND WINKED AND MADE THIS FLIRTY GROWLING NOISE AT ME and i fucking SQUEAKED and apologized and walked out of there so quickly my face was so red